Thursday, July 29, 2010

A Few Tips On Instilling Confidence

Here are a few suggestions to help you instill
a deeper sense of confidence in your child:

Recognize the effort that is put forth from the
child and praise the effort. Put less emphasis
on the end result.

Your child may have fallen short of excellence,
depending on one's perspective, but the effort
shows determination and courage which
is very positive.

Encourage your child to find her special talent
and guide her to her level and perception
of perfecting it.

Make it clear that failure opens up the door to
possibility. Through losing and making mistakes,
we can learn how to do things differently.
Failure teaches us what we want to avoid and
what we can do to achieve a more desirable
result the next time. Learning to overcome
obstacles in this way encourages children
to keep trying.

Encourage children to try something new.
Support and comfort them if they do not
succeed without making it into a big deal.
Striving to overcome obstacles sometimes
takes persistence. Defeat means that you
just give up and never try. Show your child
that there is another way.

Practice giving your child little reminders
that show your appreciation of her
accomplishments.

Remain authentic with your encouragement.
Going overboard and praising every little
thing may lead your child to believe that
he needs constant praise and approval in
order to be accepted. He may conclude that
what makes him special, depends upon
what other people think of him. Feeling
worthy is then equated with
how much approval he can get.

Provide appropriate borders for your child
and remain consistent. Children can feel
if you are afraid to say no to them and
they begin to believe that they can have
whatever they want because they demand it.
This does not provide them with an awareness
of the possibilities that they can create for
themselves later on in life.

If your child is focused on his difficulties,
bring him back to focusing on his strengths.
Gently show him that difficulties help us
find solutions and that a weakness can
be turned around into a strength.

True confidence comes with an inner knowing
that we can succeed. When a perceived failure
arises, with confidence we find a way to recognize
opportunity and move through a situation by
discovering new ways of moving forward instead
of dwelling on a particularly negative event.

The ability to take risk, the ability to act with
courage and the ability to attract a way through
a situation begins with the confidence in knowing
that we can.

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Coping With Uncertainty

We all know that children can feel
your energy even before you begin to
speak. When parents exude an energy
of confidence, not arrogance, their
children tend to feel it and respond with
feeling more secure and relaxed. They
feel safe, they can trust that you will be
the anchor in a storm.
 
What happens when we feel uncertain sometimes?
Should we pretend to be confident?
Should we cover up our uncertainty?
 
I have a suggestion; how about practicing
getting comfortable with the idea of
feeling confident in the face of uncertainty.
That sounds crazy and is a complete
contradiction, you might say!
 
Here is the idea explained: Instead of
pretending you know what you are doing
when a situation arises and you have
no idea how to handle it consciously,
focus on your ability to find your way.
 
First, accept that, in this moment, you
might be lost. Recognize that this is how
you are feeling right now, then shift your
thoughts to:
 
"Even though I feel lost and am not sure
what to do in this moment, I am open
to receiving inspiration and insight."
 
"I've resolved issues and challenges
in the past and I can do it again."
 
"I am grateful for receiving the solution
that is best for me and my child in this
situation."
 
When your intention is set in this way,
and you put energy into these new
empowering thoughts, you are giving
off a feeling of confidence.
 
You are confident that you will find a way
even though right now you are not sure
you know what that is.

Instead of allowing uncertainty to pull
you into fear, which does not serve you,
you are creating a space for inspired,
right action to flow.

Your child feels this confidence in you.
In this way you are also modeling, for
your child, how to handle uncertainty.
 
You are not responding with fear, you
are not pretending, and therefore being
inauthentic. You are confident in the
face of uncertainty.

Moments of uncertainty instantly create
resistance in the form of fear and fear
increases insecurity. Letting go of fear
is easy to say and hard to do. When we
understand that holding onto the fear
only generates more of it, we will begin
to try something different.

That something different is:
Letting go of the uncertainty that
has a grip on you and replace it with:

"I am confident that I will be inspired
to do what is right for my family and I."

"I am confident and grateful for the
inspiration I am receiving."

In love and light
Melinda Asztalos