With all the hustle and bustle of the holidays it is easy to feel
overwhelmed and stressed at times. As we know, stress can
be very counter productive to any positive shift that we are
trying to create in our lives.
I would like to invite you to take some time for yourself, just
a few minutes a day, to get re-connected with your heart center.
By doing so, you give yourself an opportunity to breathe deeply
and get back to a place of peace within.
Here is a simple meditative exercise that can help you reconnect
and you can do it virtually anywhere:
Place your hand over your heart and inhale deeply, as you
do imagine that you are going inside your heart, as though
your heart were a beautiful room full of light. Exhale, and release
all tension as you connect to that space within your heart.
Repeat about 10-15 times.
This simple yet profound exercise, will help you to center yourself
and will reconnect you to your inner peace.
The practice of meditation is a way to go deeper into ourselves
beyond the realm of the mind. It is like a doorway into the energy
flow of life. It helps us to awaken from the deep sleep of endless
mind activity into a space above and beyond the demands of
everyday experience. The only way for this to really make
sense, is to give it a try.
This simple little meditation can easily be taught to children,
thus giving them the opportunity and space to reconnect with
their inner selves.
As we know, children also need time to recharge and regenerate
especially after a day at school. This simple practice is very
beneficial in calming a child that has been exposed all day to
various energies.
If you've been really busy lately, give yourself the opportunity to
experience the magic of the holidays through the joy and
wonder of your child's experience at this time. In other words,
reconnect the magic between you and your child. Let your child
lead the way, just follow with your heart.
Invite your child to bake with you, if that is your custom. Plan a date
with your child to watch a holiday movie together with popcorn.
The magic of the holidays should not pass by, lost inside the
burden of the 100 or so things that you need to get done. Find
some time to stop and look at the beauty around you.
Go for a walk with your child and just take a look at all the beautiful
colored lights decorating the many homes. Practice being present
to the feeling of the special energy of magic that is so evident at
this time.
Take a moment to cuddle with loved ones. Turn off all of the lights
except for the Christmas tree and let the feeling just be inside of you.
Feeling "connected" is a deep and basic human need. It originates
with the truth that, "separation is illusion, we are one". Assisting
your child to find ways to maintain a deep sense of connection
to his inner state of being is like providing him with a gift that he
can go back to over and over again throughout the course of
his life.
Try to be acutely present, if you can, to all of the moments and
opportunities that arise that allow you to explore your connection
to yourself and your child(ren).
Things may go wrong, plans may change, however, try to hold
onto the notion that it is your EXPERIENCE that is meant to
take your life into the next level. It is your experience, not the
outcome that you seek, that brings you to a higher level of
consciousness. By giving up our attachments to outcomes,
we clear a space for the experience to guide us to our higher
purpose. Outcomes are fleeting and mutable, inner peace is
lasting and is always there for us to come home to.
We just have to choose it.
Consciously decide to think about what you appreciate about
the holiday season. Make a commitment to fully appreciate
your child's joy and all the blessings that you have in this moment.
Stop looking for obstacles and start looking for magic, and
you will find it.
May you have a joyful
and love filled holiday,
Melinda Asztalos
Monday, December 20, 2010
Sunday, December 12, 2010
When Parents are Too Controlling
As the pace of life seems to speed up, so do our expectations.
Sometimes, in our rush or stress driven culture we lose sight
of the fact that we are being set up to move faster and "do" more.
Becoming more controlling with our children is a sort of
by-product of the energy of the culture that we are living into.
Before we know it, we have created patterns that are not exactly
in alignment with the kind of parents that we initially set out to be.
Parents who are overly controlling hardly ever recognize this in
themselves. Becoming a conscious parent means that you are
now practicing listening to your words and watching your reactions.
This can be difficult when we've established a few patterns
that are counter-productive.
Try to ask yourself, "How often do I jump in to help my child
out with a simple task that he is struggling to complete but
is just on the verge of “getting it?”
How often do you step in to negotiate for your child
(in a situation where your child is learning to get along
with others in a social setting) instead of coaching or
guiding your child through a social challenge?
When a child completes a task that is not as “perfect”
as his parent would like it to be and the parent is quick to
point this out, over and over again, the result tends to be
a child who develops the idea that there isn’t much point
to reaching for success. His “failure” to meet his parents
expectations overshadows his motivation to keep trying.
On the other end of the spectrum, he may be caught in
an endless struggle of trying to win his parents’ admiration
by over achieving.
Over achieving and striving for excellence is fantastic, when
it is intrinsically motivated. When it is solely motivated by the
aching need to please another in order to feel worthy, it is not
coming from a place of strength and confidence.
It is coming from a feeling of lack.
When conditions for admiration, love and kindness are
placed on our children, they are not given the opportunity to
figure out for themselves how amazing and unique they are.
They are too busy trying to please.
Parents don’t do this consciously. That is why listening to and
watching yourself as a parent is an important part of instilling
confidence.
When we become over controlling, for whatever reason, we
disempower our children and we lose a part of our connection
with them. No loving parent consciously chooses this. It just happens.
Recognizing it is the first step to transforming it.
As we pay attention to the patterns that show up again and again,
we can begin to navigate towards a more heart centred way of parenting
by choosing to allow our children the space to find their own way
through our guidance.
We can begin to acknowledge that instilling confidence will
provide our children with far more effective tools with which
to go into the world.
At the end of the day, would you rather have it done "right"
whatever the cost or would you have it done in a space where
love and learning are present.
Sometimes, in our rush or stress driven culture we lose sight
of the fact that we are being set up to move faster and "do" more.
Becoming more controlling with our children is a sort of
by-product of the energy of the culture that we are living into.
Before we know it, we have created patterns that are not exactly
in alignment with the kind of parents that we initially set out to be.
Parents who are overly controlling hardly ever recognize this in
themselves. Becoming a conscious parent means that you are
now practicing listening to your words and watching your reactions.
This can be difficult when we've established a few patterns
that are counter-productive.
Try to ask yourself, "How often do I jump in to help my child
out with a simple task that he is struggling to complete but
is just on the verge of “getting it?”
How often do you step in to negotiate for your child
(in a situation where your child is learning to get along
with others in a social setting) instead of coaching or
guiding your child through a social challenge?
When a child completes a task that is not as “perfect”
as his parent would like it to be and the parent is quick to
point this out, over and over again, the result tends to be
a child who develops the idea that there isn’t much point
to reaching for success. His “failure” to meet his parents
expectations overshadows his motivation to keep trying.
On the other end of the spectrum, he may be caught in
an endless struggle of trying to win his parents’ admiration
by over achieving.
Over achieving and striving for excellence is fantastic, when
it is intrinsically motivated. When it is solely motivated by the
aching need to please another in order to feel worthy, it is not
coming from a place of strength and confidence.
It is coming from a feeling of lack.
When conditions for admiration, love and kindness are
placed on our children, they are not given the opportunity to
figure out for themselves how amazing and unique they are.
They are too busy trying to please.
Parents don’t do this consciously. That is why listening to and
watching yourself as a parent is an important part of instilling
confidence.
When we become over controlling, for whatever reason, we
disempower our children and we lose a part of our connection
with them. No loving parent consciously chooses this. It just happens.
Recognizing it is the first step to transforming it.
As we pay attention to the patterns that show up again and again,
we can begin to navigate towards a more heart centred way of parenting
by choosing to allow our children the space to find their own way
through our guidance.
We can begin to acknowledge that instilling confidence will
provide our children with far more effective tools with which
to go into the world.
At the end of the day, would you rather have it done "right"
whatever the cost or would you have it done in a space where
love and learning are present.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)